


Cheapest Thrills

by aquabee, strixiebusiness



Series: Lonely Teenagers, Brave Little Girls and Tall Insecure Boys [5]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: 13 yr olds are mean, F/F, F/M, Middle schoolers, Multi, Officially, alf REALLY wants some jynx coochie, chaos begins, ellie is a trans lesbian who is crushin hard, elliott opens illegal school bar + casino more at 10, hecate and orso are basically sarah and jimmy, husk's son elliot wants to be gangsta, i hate them, i'll get ella to draw one, jynx has OBEY posters, jynx is a school dictator, maggie is in love with imp rights, no she literally does, persie's a stalker just a warning, rape/non-con is just mentions and not really a thing, sammie is in love with maggie being in love with imp rights, sammie is kinda in love, so persie is pinin, they are horny teens, they're like 13 And I hATE T H E M, they're terrible like, this is where her yandere archetype comes in, this school has no supervision, we stan ellie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:14:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23626735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquabee/pseuds/aquabee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/strixiebusiness/pseuds/strixiebusiness
Summary: Welcome to Hell School, your class dictator is Jynx Magne, her half-brother can kick your ass.
Relationships: Alastor/Charlie Magne, Alphonse Pitre (OC)/Jynx Magne (OC), Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel)/Blitzo (Helluva Boss), Ellie Signum (OC)/Absinthe Kodiak (OC), Elliott (OC)/Rosettmiana (OC), Hecate Magne (OC)/Orso Kodiak (OC), Husk/Alastor's Mom, Husk/Charlie Magne, Marilyn Signum (OC)/Dire Magne (OC), Maverick (OC)/Amelia (OC), Mike Signum (OC)/Persephone Magne (OC), Millie/Moxxie (Helluva Boss), Mimzy/Vox (Hazbin Hotel), Rosie/Cherri Bomb, Samael Magne (OC)/Maggie (OC), Teddy Kodiak (OC)/Elvira Kodiak (OC)
Series: Lonely Teenagers, Brave Little Girls and Tall Insecure Boys [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677178
Kudos: 1





	Cheapest Thrills

Purple walls, big door, minimal lighting, perfect way for a _Queen_ to frighten anyone into submission and obedience, isn't it? Oh, wouldn’t her father be proud? Unfortunately for Jynx, it was hard to win _daddy’s approval_ . She never truly needed a light to assist her with her school work, she had eyes after all, eyes that glow so she never struggled doing her work in the dark. Of course, this always meant her little - or in all honesty, much taller than herself - nuisance could pop in and disrupt her work, which usually involved her going over all six hundred and forty-seven rules she set in place for the school. With a principal who was a never really sober enough to deal with students, it was just handed off to Jynx, as she wouldn’t stop pestering _Mr. Poysen_ for more responsibilities. 

In reality, Jynx was never elected class president, she wasn’t even a student council member, her idiot brother got the title when he wasn’t even running and she was quick to threaten him for the spot - which he would’ve handed over without her saying she would come into his room at night, bring him to the basement, gag his mouth, tie him up to a chair, leaving him with nothing a cake he can’t eat to stare at. 

Which would be his own personal hell, because if it wasn’t obvious, Sammie was one who enjoyed eating. 

The threat was worse than the time she told him if he didn’t get his friend, Alf to leave her alone for a few hours that she would give him cookies _without any milk!_

The first act Jynx did as president was to remove the entirety of the student council, therefore she would act as her own congress. And thus over six hundred and forty-one rules had been added. A few of which had been a part of some arrangements she had with her half-brother, _Elliott Husk._

Explanation; Al and Charlie agreed to add a third person to their relationship for awhile because Al’s basically a cuck, but Husk sort of moved on and it was in mutual agreement that he and Charlie just wouldn’t be romantically involved anymore. And in that time, Charlie gave him twins, Elliott and Amelia. Both being just a little younger - only by a few months - than their half-siblings.

Elliott’s reasoning for coming to his sister was sort of a _you scratch my back, I’ll scratch_ _yours_ deal. He’d be free to start up his little joint underneath the school, form the little mafia he’s always wanted as long as she pretends like she didn’t hear a thing if things got messy but in return, he’ll be responsible for helping her out since everybody knew her threats were empty, what could this skinny little girl with a nose too big for her face really do? Kick a shin and make it hurt? She hated to even consider the thought but this a time where she’d need a man’s assistance.

Little queenie here couldn’t have benefited more from this deal, it made her posters seem like they could actually do more than make a couple of freshmen wet their pants.

In her seat at her desk, a rather formal, real wood desk, charcoal black, Jynx reviewed all the rules she set to see if anything needed adjusting. 

Knock! Knock! Knock! Thwump! 

She knew those sounds anywhere, it was her _nuisance_.

“You aren’t welcome while I’m working, Alphonse. Or anytime between the first block and third block classes. Did you not read the _Visitation Hours_ sign I put up? It gives you very exact times you may see me if it is necessary.”

“C’mon, baby, it's only fifteen minutes into second block, c’mon, lemme in for once!”

“Alphonse, respect a woman’s business hours, would you?” 

Silence before the door cracked open and somehow with those massive hairy feet, he was silent when he entered, now standing beside her.

“Psst! Here’s your pen I borrowed the other day.”

“Thank you, Alphonse but- Wait a minute, what are you doing in my office when I told you to-” 

Lips onto lips, he just couldn’t help himself, they weren’t dating so it wasn’t like he could get away with a sneaky kiss. 

“You kissed.me…” 

“Yeah, I did. So what? You aren’t going to kill me, are ya?” 

“You have three seconds to get out of here before I prepare to murder you with my pencil sharpener.” 

Maybe his straightforward approach wasn’t working.

* * *

“Your sister’s totally into me, dude.” 

“I fucking doubt that Jynx would be into anybody, the only person she’s in love with is a stack of papers.” 

“Elliott, I’m telling you, she’s into me! She didn’t smack me this time!” 

Alf really did think Jynx was the one despite her completely giving him different signals as blatantly as she can.

A group of boys were sitting at a small table in the very wet basement of the school, it was the in progress bar and casino Elliott had, also known as his gang hang out because if somebody was going to get teenagers hooked on bad habits and make money off of it, it was going to be him, a teen who picked up on his father’s bad habits considering he was a raised like a child with divorced parents, living primarily with his father. Sammie couldn’t handle the heavy stench of cigarettes his friends were giving off as they lit up and puffed, fifteen years old and smoking. The same boys who come over to his house sometimes to play Dungeons and Dragons. And his half-brother. 

He sort of expected this behaviour from Alf, who was _disgusting_. But Mike and Elliott? He thought they were better than that. 

“Mike, you have a little something..” Alf was pointing to around the television headed teen, rather than to somewhere on his body. When the shortest boy in the group turned to his left and looked down, it did seem that he had something alright, he had a girl on her knees. 

“Persie, what are you doing on the floor?” 

“Uh..Looking for my contact!” 

“You don’t wear-” 

“SHUT UP, SAMMIE!” 

“Were you watching me the whole time ‘cause that’s kinda creepy, Persie.” 

“No…?”

_Pick up your phone, Asshole!_

Mike had a call to take.

“Dude, its show time, where the fuck are you? If you aren’t here in five seconds I’m gonna have to do this myself and you know I’m more of a co-host than a solo reporter!” 

Well, looks like it's time for Mike to go to work.

* * *

What do two teenagers do when they have the bizarre dream to run a talk show when they grow up? Try to do a mockbuster version of 666 News for their goddamn school of course! 

A small and fuzzy half imp stood there, rather pissy when Mike finally decided to show his face, putting his blazer on over his usual attire, the two took their ‘jobs’ very seriously, despite everything they do being occasionally reporting actually school related stuff and petty drama. If one had to guess an estimation, they were 98% drama that’s usually fabricated to be more interesting; for instance nobody cares about what two girls would be doing if they were to the bathroom at the same time but when you say they were in the same stall and a bra went missing, that’s when it becomes interesting. Spreading rumors was sort of the pink girl’s gig, and if it wasn’t obvious - she’s Alf’s twin sister. 

“Rosa, do we even have anything today?” 

“Uh, yeah, check the cameras.”

The main reason they worked together apart from a common interest, Mike had the knowhow to hack the school cameras and audio to help his friend basically ruin a teenager’s life. 

The school news was not something you wanted to be on, these are kids who will say you eat little pieces of shit as a snack because you mildly inconvenienced them. 

Now sitting at their terribly makeshift reporter area which was just a couple of desks with a black table cloth that would get some shitty graphics over it thanks to their graphics dude as he liked to be called, who was an imp who always got the munchies. You can assume why just by the word.

They’re live. 

“Good Morning, Pentagram Hell School, I’m Mike,”

Every time he said that, he always felt like he was reading off a card, nobody talks like this. 

“And I’m Rosa! Today we’ll be discussing the juiciest gossip you heard yet! It seems our oh so special little prissy pants, Jynx Magne has found a match. Or was it rape? Our very own Ellie will find out.” 

And a very cheap zoom out shot to Ellie that you can find in iMovie or MovieMaker. 

There’s the girl with the emoji eyes standing beside the very tall half imp.

“Thanks, Rosa, now don’t be offended by me interrogating you brother, you’re the one who paid me two dollars to do this.” 

“She paid you?” 

“Yeah but that’s not the important part, now did you force yourself on Jynx?” 

“What? No, that’s just our thing, I flirt with her, and she tells me to kill myself. It's how we talk.” 

“So you didn’t kiss her passionately before thrusting into her?” 

“I don’t do that before the first date with girls I actually like, _Ellie._ I’m a horny asshole but I’m not that bad of a guy.” 

‘Some would say that’s debatable.”

“Name one person who says I’m a bad guy, I dare you. I double dare you!” 

“Your best friend.” 

“Mike? He’s an even bigger asshole than me!” 

“The fat one.” 

“Oh! Sammie! He wouldn’t say that, he’s too much of a pussy if he even thought it.” 

“Yeah, you are kinda mean, Alf…” 

Guess he wasn’t as much of a pussy as the little perverted half imp thought. 

**Author's Note:**

> its 5 am by the time i finish 
> 
> alf, sammie, mike, elliott, orso, ellie, teddy kodiak, absinthe kodiak (although she was kinda gifted to me),maverick, amelia (abandoned to me to develop as a character as well) - iminbby


End file.
